As I'm sure most of you are aware, I work in HR. I chose this field primarily because of my interest in social psychology. I enjoy trying to understand how people see things so differently and why they do the different things they do. This is particularly true when it comes to views that are in direct contrast to my personal views and those of the church. So, I followed the link to see why they though marriage should be abolished.
It became very quickly apparent that there was no grand revelation or reasoning behind the plan to scrap marriage, but rather a simple author trying to rationalize her decisions for adultery and divorce. She spends a large part of the article making sure we know she's not afraid of the hard work that would be required to fix her marriage, but in her mind that's beside the point because that's not where the real problem is. The real problem is marriage itself. All she is doing is simply following her genetic preprogramming and moving away from a man-made institution that doesn't fit with her personal views and feelings about modern society.
This reaction is unfortunately not at all uncommon in today's world, and seems to be the favorite argument of anyone trying to rationalize their behavior. In her case, with marriage gone, there is no accountability for her "bad" actions. With no accountability, she's free to do whatever she wants, and no one can say anything bad about her. She can now sleep soundly at night knowing she is a "good" person.
I also find it interesting that the only reason people can think of not to get divorced is "the children." But even that argument is losing ground because the kids don't fit in with the selfish desires of these parents! (and people wonder why kids are the way they are nowadays) Quite frankly it makes me wonder if they truly understand what a parent really is.
Accountability (and marriage if the author had her way), appears to be headed for the same fate as abstinence and monogamy, a lost value with little or no meaning other than a punch line. This denial of accountability coupled with overarching selfishness is, in my humble opinion, the primary contributors to the downfall of society that has taken place in previous historic cultures and is currently taking place in our own.
But, back to the topic at hand, why is marriage necessary? Why do we get married? Or maybe a better question would be: What is the value of marriage? (To speak in the terms of modern culture: What’s in it for me?) Those are big questions, and I've always found that big questions are best answered with stories.
The other day we went to cracker barrel. After dinner I took an antsy Andrew outside to burn off some steam. Being quite hot outside, and having a 1/2 pound of ground beef in my gut, I plopped down into a nice rocking chair in the shade and whipped out my cell phone to play a little bejeweled. Andrew ran to the oversized checkerboard in the sun, and promptly asked me to play with him. After thinking it over I decided I probably should. After a few futile efforts of teaching him the basics of the game we opted for building towers. We were both sweaty and sticky when all was said and done. When Kara put him to bed that night, the last thing he told her was how much fun he had playing checkers with Daddy. I can't tell you how much that really impacts me, and reminds me to continue to act accordingly in the future, especially when I consider how close I was to just sitting back in my shaded chair and letting him do his own thing.
Now, I don't share that to illustrate what a great dad I am. I still have more than I’d care to admit to learning when it comes to being a good dad/husband. But I think it effectively answers the above questions. You see, I might not be able to tell you all the reasons to get married, or for that matter why marriage should even exist (outside gospel principles), but I can tell you I'm a damn better person because of it. If I'm fortunate enough to meet "the Big Guy" in the end, it will only be because of Kara, Andrew, and Grant, and I'll defend that one to the grave!
When it comes down to it, marriage is not easy, it is not fun a lot of the times, it is not pretty sometimes, and it's more work than I ever thought it would be (and that's only after 5 years!), but neither is life, and it is all worth it. It is worth it because it teaches me selflessness. It teaches me accountability. It teaches me respect. It teaches me that sacrifice is more rewarding than personal gratification. It teaches me the true meaning of love. It teaches me who I am. Just as others would seek to abolish marriage because they fear these truths, I embrace it because I fear the absence of these truths in my life. Would I still rather play X-box than clean day old formula out of bottles, take the garbage out, or vacuum goldfish crackers out of the carpet 3 times a day? You better believe it! And I will continue to play, probably more than Kara would like on occasion, but I hopefully will do so with a better understanding of who I am and what I need to do to improve my marriage and myself :).
So, to Kara, Andrew, and Grant: Thank you and I love you guys. You are literally my salvation. To everyone else, married or not, appreciate the difficulties in life, because you are the result of the choices you make, and the more opportunity you have to make big decisions, the greater your potential is for greatness.
Since I can’t have an entirely serious post, here’s a parting clip:
